Husband as a Spiritual Mentor

The husband is like a spiritual mentor
The spiritual mentor (Shaykh) attends to the spiritual enhancement of the mureed (disciple). However, a normal spiritual mentor who accepts bay’t is insufficient to attend to the spiritual needs of the woman. The spiritual mentor is not available to them at all times.

They require a spiritual mentor of the house, the husband. This type of spiritual mentor, i.e. the husband, is more beneficial to her than the other categories of spiritual mentors. And his status is also more superior than the others.

What a nice spiritual mentor this household spiritual mentor is. Apart from attending to your Deeni requirements, he also provides food etc. for you. He takes the responsibility of both the Deen as well as the dunyaa. These characteristics wouldn’t be found in a normal spiritual mentor. There is no worldly benefit to be derived from him. In fact, offerings (of gifts etc.) have to be made over to (some of) them.

Also, she wont be able to derive as much Deeni benefit from him as she would derive from her husband. A normal spiritual mentor will only be able to guide you when you enquire about something or whenever you happen to go to him. This might come about probably once in many years. Women in particular will hardly end up meeting their spiritual mentor. The husband on the other hand is always with them. He will be able to monitor every deed.

This is why I maintain that the spiritual mentor of the Ba’yt (house) is more superior than the spiritual mentor Bay’t.
[A Gift to the Husband & Wife by Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi]

In this day and age the above gives a lot of food for thought for both males and females. The importance of deeni rights owed to women are commonly neglected by menfolk, or they are not even given due importance by the woman.

May Allah swt give us the ability to rectify ourselves of this incorrect thought and implement into our lives practically the important message that Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi highlights in the above extract, Ameen.

Characteristics of a Pious husband

On the Day of Judgment :Allah will ask men if they fulfilled their obligations towards their families. They who fear Allah will do their best to direct the way his wife and children live by educating himself and his family to living according to the Sunnah of the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) and the Holy Qur’an, the final word of Allah.

The Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said, “The best of you is the best one to his family.” [Al-Tabarani]

To share food with her, to provide her with (decent) clothes as he provides himself, to refrain from smacking her,
and not ignoring her but in the house. [Ahmad]

One should not hate his believer wife. If he dislikes some of her attitudes, he would (surely) like others (attitudes).
[Muslim]

Woman was created from a bent rib and will not be made straight for you on one way (that you like). If you want to enjoy her,you enjoy her while she is still bent. If you want to straighten her up, you will break her. Breaking her is divorcing her. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

Do (volunteer) fasting (some days) and do not fast (in other days), pray at night (some nights) and sleep (in other nights). Your body has a right on you (to rest), your eye has a right on you (to sleep), and your wife has a right on you.
[Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

Fear Allah in (treating) women. [Muslim]

Be advised to treat women righteously. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

And live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing that Allah brings through it a great deal of good. [4:19]

The Prophet (Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said,”A Dinar (a currency) that you spend on your family, a Dinar that you spend on a poor person and a Dinar that you spend in the sake of Allah. The one that carries the most reward is the one that you spend on your family.” [Muslim]

The Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said to Saaid ibn Abi Waqqas,”Know that no charity that you give whether small or large, for the sake of Allah, but you will be rewarded for it, even the bite (of food) that you put in your wife’s mouth.” [Bukhari & Muslim]

http://www.everymuslim.com

The Bond of Holy Love

The Bond of Holy Love

an extract from Az-Zaujus Salih (The Pious Husband) by Mujlisul Ulama of South Africa

The Prophet (pbuh) said:
“The noblest of you are those who are the noblest to their families…”

“Verily, among the most perfect Believers in Iman are those who are best in character and kindest to their wives.”

Even lifting a morsel of food to the mouth of the wife has been given the significance of ibadat. It is an act of love by which the husband derives thawab (reward in the Hereafter).

It was part of the Uswah Hasanah (Noble character) of the Prophet (pbuh) to engage in light hearted talk with his wives. Hadhrat Abu Hurairah (R.A.) said:

Allah loves a man who caresses his wife. Both of them are awarded thawab because of this loving attitude and their rizq (earning) is increased.”

A man is rewarded for even a drink of water he presents to his wife. According to the Prophet (pbuh) the mercy of Allah Ta’ala cascades on a couple when the husband glances at his wife with love and pleasure and she returns his glance with love and pleasure.

When a husband clasps the hand of his wife with love their sins fall from the gaps between their clasped fingers. Even mutual love between husband and wives serve as a kaffara (expiation) for sins. The Prophet (pbuh) said:

“When a man enters his home cheerfully, Allah creates, as a result of his happy attitude, an angel who engages in istighfar (prayers of forgiveness) on behalf of the man until the day of Qiyamah.”

May Allah swt give us the ability to act upon the above, ameen.
Al-Mar’atus Salihah (The Pious Wife) is also published by Mujlisul Ulama, both books can be found in the English language and have been described as the islamic prescription for a happy and successful marriage, the blessings and rewards of which extend into even the Hereafter.

Recipe for a successful marriage by Mufti Ebrahim Desai (db)

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah,

I pray that you are all i the best of health and imaan.Ameen.

It’s been a while since I have posted here, came across this article and thought I’d share it with you.

Without further a do here goes Inshallah….

“Our Lord! Grant that our spouses and our offspring be a comfort to our eyes, and give us the grace to lead those who are conscious of You” (Furqaan 74).

Q: Every human being by nature has an instinct to dispute. This instinct becomes more manifest between the husband and wife, thus leading to marital disputes. How can this instinct be controlled?

A. Consider the following ten points to control the instinct of dispute and maintain a happy marriage.

1. Fear Allah: It was the noble practice of Nabi (SAW) to conscientise the spouses about the fear for Allah before performing a Nikah by reciting the verses (Nisa v14, Ahzab v69, Aali-Imraan v101) from the Quraan. All the verses are common in the message of Taqwa (fear of Allah). The spouses will be first committed to Allah before being committed to their partner. There can be no doubt in the success of a marriage governed by the fear of Allah.

2. Never be angry at the same time: Anger is the root cause for all marital disputes. One Sahabi came to Rasulullah (SAW) and sought some advice. Rasulullah (SAW) replied, control your anger. The same advice was rendered three times. (Mishkaat pg.433; HM Saeed)

3. If one has to win an argument, let it be the other: Nabi (SAW) said: “Whoever discards an argument despite being correct shall earn a palace in the centre of Jannah. (Ibid pg.412)

4. Never shout at each other unless the house is on fire: Luqman (AS) while offering advice to his son said: ” and lower your voice for verily the most disliked voice is that of a donkey”. (Surah Luqman v19)

5. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly: Rasulullah (SAW) said, ‘A Mu’ min is a mirror for a Mu’min.’ (Abu Dawud vol.2 pg.325; Imdadiyah) Advise with dignity and silently.

6. Never bring up mistakes of the past: Nabi (SAW) said: “Whoever conceals the faults of others, Allah shall conceal his faults on the day of Qiyaamah.” (Mishkaat pg.429; HM Saeed)

7. Neglect the whole world rather than your marriage partner:Nabi (SAW) confirmed the advice of Salman to Abu-Darda [RA] for neglecting his wife. “Verily there is a right of your wife over you.” (Nasai Hadith2391)

8. Never sleep with an argument unsettled: Abu Bakr [RA] resolved his dispute with his wife over-feeding the guests before going to bed. (Bukhari Hadith 602)

9. At least, once everyday, express your gratitude to your partner: Nabi [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, ‘Whoever does not show gratitude to the people has not shown gratitude to Allah.’ (Abu Dawud pg.662; Karachi)

10. When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness: Nabi [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, ‘All the sons of Aadam commit error, and the best of those who err are those who seek forgiveness.’ (Tirmidhi Hadith 2499)